"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
