the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
