What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
"it" just moved
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
