More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
