I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
