I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
