Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im holly from the hills drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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