god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
