I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
