The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
