i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
