remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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