Girls should come with a carfax report
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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