Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
