i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
