There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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