ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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