remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i drank out of a bidet.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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