there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
