This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
