This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
