dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
