she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
