final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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