Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
