just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
