Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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