Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
