just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
