I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i will never coherently bang her
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
