Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
