Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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