i think my tv is drunk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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