I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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