1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
