my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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