just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
