Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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