Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
