Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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