Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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