PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
