thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
