KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
