i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so let's talk penis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
