Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
