I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
