If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
