Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
