He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
