Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize