suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
