I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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