that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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