May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
