I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
