it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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