what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
