you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
