so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Someone signed my nipple.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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