I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
