I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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