So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
