I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
