True but thats because hes a fetus.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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