Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
