That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
