I didn't shave. On purpose
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
