Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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