I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
