You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
