you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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